The Pantaloons: History of Britain

The Pantaloons stole my banana.

 

Not only that.  They stole it, peeled it, ate it and then taunted me.  "Go write about that on your blog" was the phrase he uttered as he strutted off, leaving me banana-less.

I think I got reverse heckled.  If there even is such a thing (mental note to check with my stand up comedy friends if reverse heckling actually exists).

As I write this, I am savaging a new, fresh, delicious banana in memory of the one I lost that fateful Sunday afternoon sat on the grassy slopes near the lake at Mt Ephraim, watching a performance of The History Of Britain (in 90 minutes), that, until that point I had been giggling like a school girl at.

So, Pantaloons, you challenged me to write about your theft on my blog, to show the whole world your food stealing ways?  Challenge accepted.

To be perfectly honest, it's not really that much of a challenge.  I have written about this little touring theatre company twice before.  The problem is, they are always fresh, always energetic, always vibrant, and always just so damn funny.

It's infuriating really; you just can't stay angry at them.  It's like trying to stay angry at a puppy that's pooped in your slipper and then gazes at you imploring (and disingenuously) with limpid eyes- it's not possible.  Especially when they offer the chance for a pre-show selfie.

I dragged Steve along to see them for the first time, and along with RV and Claire, Ellie and John, we set up an impromptu picnic on the field.

We managed picnic blankets and one chair that the boys fought over (Steve won - to be fair, it was his chair).   Other groups managed to appear far more stylish with mutliple chairs, tables (and a tablecloth - check out the far left group below) and even glasswear for champagne.  Show-off's.

Once settled, we prepared ourselves for a whistlestop tour through the entire History of Britain.  The Pantaloons launched a survey back in 2013 to see what type of shows their loyal band of followers would like to see performed, and this was the title that was voted most popular by a country mile (sidetracked thought, are country miles longer than city miles?  Is it just that the tractor in front of you the entire way and the smell of chicken manure makes it feel longer?)

Back on track.  This then presented The Pantaloons with a bit of a dilemma, well, more of a challenge really.  It's all well and good having a title that appeals to the masses, but you can't run for 90 minutes on just a title - people are liable to get bored.  You need a show there as well.  Trouble is, unlike their previous works which have all been adapted from pre-existing bodies of works (literary classics like Sherlock and Grimm, well known plays like Dream) this didn't really have a text already handily lying there screaming for use.  Unless you count people's A-Level History books.

There's another dilemma as well.   History is all a bit dry really - a series of dates and battles and kings and queens in slow succession.  The Pantaloons needed to get to the humanity behind the history, the stories and tales that have since become folklore and legend, nursery rhymes and parables.

Well, they succeeded, and we were treated to A History of Britain that told the stories behind the facts, that paid respect to the tragedy that plagued our emerald isle and mocked the stupidity in peoples actions (a crown does not equate to intelligence.  I think it's the weight - it makes the brains dribble out of the ears).

As with all Pantaloons material, we were also treated to a huge variety of different styles and performance techniques, with a fair bit of ad-libbing thrown in for good measure!  This was the History of Britain like it had never been seen before - it was a bit like a cross between Blackadder and Horrible Histories meets a pantomime cabaret.

So, we started in pre-historic times, and in the space of 3 minutes had seen the discovery of fire, invasion of the Romans, invasion of the Vikings, invasion of the Normans and the fall of Henry at the Battle of Hastings.  3 minutes in and we were already at 1066.  Impressive.

We then slowed down(!) a little with a re-telling of Shakespeare's Richard III in 15 minutes, complete with a non-sword battle as Kelly (The Red Loon) had hurt her hand a couple of days previously.   I mention this as it gives you an idea of the style of The Pantaloons, when, mid yell, they both turn to the audience and explain that no actual fighting would be happening that day before launching straight back into character.

Following on from the Richard III in 15 minutes sketch, we then launched into a romantic comedy version of Henry VIII as he recounts his various marital wows to his best friend (whom he only sees to moan about the latest wife) and the revolving door of his wives as Kelly and Alex jumped nimbly through each of the various women's characters.

From the comedy of Henry VIII (it's not often you get to describe him as a comedy), we tackled the dissolution of the monastries, complete with aged, half deaf nuns before moving into a sombre puppetry show about the tragedy of Lady Jane Grey, the 9 Day Queen who had been manipulated by everyone around her, paying the price for their greed with her life at just 17 years of age.  This moving material just proved how capable this troop are as virtuoso performers and the change of pace was welcome.

From Lady Jane Grey we catapaulted into The Virgin Queen and the Spanish Armada, handled, (obviously!) as a Gilbert and Sullivan pastiche.

This whole section can only be described as right, rollocking fun, complete with songs, dance and some truly awful accents!

With the successful defeat of the Armada (woo-hoo!) it was time for a break to let The Pantaloons refuel, and the audience debate the long climb up the hill to the toilets.

When we came back, we were flung straight into Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder plot, with the old nursery rhyme being chanted softly and eerily in the background.

Remember, remember the 5th of Novemeber

Gunpowder, treason and plot

I see no reason why gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot

Guy Fawkes is a strange character in British history.  Utterly villified for attempting to blow up the Houses of Parliament and King James I in 1605 to replace him with a Catholic king, his actions soon became an excuse for anti-Catholic activities and soon the figures that were burnt on the bonfires were no longer just effegies of Guy Fawkes, but also of other popular hate figures, such as the Pope.  Guy Fawkes is likely to be the only name that people remember of the 12 men involved in the plot, despite the fact that he wasn't their leader.  Nowadays, Bonfire Night is just an excuse for a big celebration and party - any real religious or political overtones have long since faded into history.  The Pantaloons handled this popular story from our past in an incredibly creepy way, masking Guy Fawkes into an anonymous, emotionless figure.

Moving on, we got into the English Civil War, which was re-enacted by an insult hurling match between the Roundheads and the Cavaliers (i.e.the two halves of the audience), led by audience members dragged up by The Pantaloons to represent Oliver Cromwell and King Charles I.  These audience members were put on the spot to come up with the worst possible insults they could think of, which the audience then yelled on their behalf. 

After a brief spate of more food stealing by The Pantaloons (they are terrible for it) whilst covering something to do with the wool industry (I'll be honest - I can't remember what they were talking about, I was too tranfixed on the fact that more food was being pinched, and licked by Alex!)

By now we were tickling the edges of what could be called modern history (i.e the last 300 years or so).  We started to look at the creation and expansion of the British Empire (which saw a lot of sea travel - guess how that was represented!)

Followed by the Crimean War and Florence Nightingale, the Lady With The Lamp.

We were starting to get closer to a period of history that I was quite intrigued to see how they would cover, but before then we got the Victorian Era in the style of an old Music Hall show, compared by Queen Vic herself.  She was not amused.   There was also The Suffragettes and the battle for floats for swimming.  I'm sure someone, somewhere missed the memo about that particular campaign.  All the girls in the audience did get a running Hi Five from the 'Loons though during that particular sketch.  Charles Darwin even made a brief cameo appearance!

We neared the end of the show as the 'Loons tackled a particularly difficult and sensitive subject; that of World War I.  They really surprised me on this by reciting and contrasting poems of the era that called the men to arms and service, and also described the pure horror and tragedy of that event.  It was incredibly touching and moving, and very, very effective.

After that sobering subject, we needed a bit of lift and finished the performance in pure Pantaloons style, with a sing and a dance!

As always, an afternoon of pure, unadulterated pleasure courtesy of this ingenious troop.  Please, please go and check out this company and see if they are performing near you - if they are, go and see them.

Kelly, Edward, Alex and Chris, it's been a pleasure as always

I'll even forgive you for that banana.

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They Always Say, We Were The Lucky Ones

I've been looking forward to this day for what feels like an eternity (alright it's only been about 18 months and probably not as much as John and Ellie have been but lets not get nit-picky about details).

After drinks on the Wednesday evening I had to go to the office once more before I was let loose on the poor unsuspecting bride. I think I was pretty distracted for a lot of that day! Finally I was released and ready to focus on the wedding.  First on the list of jobs was to go the the Venue on the Friday afternoon to deliver various parcels and packages and generally be a bit nosy before the next day.

We met up with the rest of the wedding party including RV, the best man...

And the other two bridesmaids, Jo and Rosie...

I didn't have anything too important to worry about - only making sure that the wedding dress got to the Venue!  I'm fairly sure my friendship with Ellie would have hung in the balance if anything had happened!

Dress safely delivered there was time for a quick rehearsal of the ceremony, working out the seating arrangements and of course practicing the all-important swoosh down the staircase ready for the grand entrance of the bride the next day.

This may or may not have involved impromptu dance moves as we rehearsed. 

After we had done everything we could in preparation we made our exits and Jo and I nipped to the hotel where John and Ellie would be staying the following night to drop off the red paper rose petals we had ordered with the intention of covering their bedsheets with them.  Well that was the plan.

When we arrived we were warmly greeted by the extraordinarily lovely owner (who also appeared to be rather gifted at baking if the smells drifting from the kitchen were anything to go by).  She listened to us patiently and then showed us the fresh white real rose petals she had all ready to go.  Jo and I looked at them rather sheepishly and, feeling rather deflated, acknowledged that hers were much better than ours and we should just go.

We were trumped.

Instead we headed back to Ellie's for pizza, DVD's (Bridesmaid's of course) and wine and tried to keep the increasingly excitable bride from bouncing completely off the walls while the groom hit the town for dinner and drinks with other close male members of the wedding party before heading back to the best man's house where he would be spending the night.

We finally headed to bed and after absolutely no sleep whatsoever got to Mt Ephraim for 8am ready to start the beautifying process.

It was a good morning with lots of chatter, running around checking things have arrived (and sneaking in the bottle of fizz which was nearly forgotten about!), munching on croissants, bananas and muffins, listening to music and being preened to within an inch of our lives!  I have never felt so made up before, I even had fake eyelashes on which for me is a huge deal (to be fair, I chose that - the makeup lady bought out the boxes of them and I got a little overexcited, which may have encouraged the other bridesmaids to also go down the falsies route.  Oops).

During the getting ready process John's mum came upstairs with a present from John for Ellie; a stunning necklace for her to wear that day.  I thought that this may have set her off but so far so good!

Ellie also gave us gifts; beautiful hand-stitched embroidery in tambour frames, each with specific memories of her time spent with us and gorgeous personalised pearl bracelets.  Her mum carves wood and had carved each of us our own wooden candle holder as well.  This would be a running theme of this wedding, so much was handmade, intricate, personal and beautiful.  Even the confetti was provided in a basket that Ellie already owned, in paper cones with quotes from Pride and Prejudice running around them.

We had a mild moment of panic when we realised that the father of the bride had no cravat!  As the wedding colour theme was variegated shades of blue thankfully we could get a bit creative.  After a bit of swapping with the ushers and some clever stitching by Jo with some handy blue fabric the wedding planner found lying around the house the problem was resolved. 

All too soon it was time to get Ellie into her dress (and desperately try to remember our lacing up the dress lessons).  Thankfully we figured it out and got her laced in tightly.  The final adjustments were made and then it was time for Ellie's father to see his daughter for the first time that morning.  This was a particularly emotional moment and everyone got a little bit teary and took a quick gulp of their fizz.

Eyes dried, perfume spritzed and bouquets picked up, it was time for Ellie to start the walk downstairs to where John was nervously waiting for her.  The music started to play (a very personal song for Ellie) and she started the descent.

No pics for the ceremony as managing a camera and a bouquet is not really the done thing so my photos start again at the reception.  There was however a memorable moment when John completely missed some of his lines vows(call yourself an actor?!) and had to be prompted to start again.  The ceremony itself was really lovely, with readings delivered beautifully by the couples friends' (the one that starts 'wherever I go there's always Pooh' got more than its fair share of laughs and tears.)

There was a huge surprise during the drinks reception.  Ellie and John had booked a falconry display for the guests to enjoy!  We were treated to a complete show with falcons, owls and hawks and afterwards guests got the opportunity to handle the beautiful birds.  I have never seen anything like this at a wedding before and it was a complete showstopper for me.

Guests mingled and chatted and used the opportunity to get all the photos in that they would be too drunk to remember to take later on in the evening.

We headed inside for the speeches which were very emotional (and a little bit disturbing at times, looking at you here John) before moving into the main room for the wedding breakfast.  This is where all of John and Ellie's hard work really showed.  Everything was personally made or adapted and reflected every inch of their lives together.  The table plan had photos of them whilst the tables were named after favourite places from literature.  We were sat on Pemberley from Pride and Prejudice.  Inside the menu cards either John or Ellie had also written a little statement about why they had chosen that particular location and what it meant to them as a couple.  I particularly liked Ellie's comment about getting married in her very own Pemberley and her hope that John may take a quick dip in the lake later, emerging in a wet white shirt a la Colin Firth!

The wedding post box was hand made, as were the table place settings, each one hand-stitched by Ellie.  She had started making them 6 months prior to the wedding.  John's mum had also all of the flower arrangements on the tables and the clay hearts, each embossed with the wedding date as part of the table decorations while packets of personalised chocolates (I think they were M and M's, I'm not sure.  Steve ate his and mine before I sat down) acted as favours.

The food was lovely and served in enormous portions! Asian Pork Salad for starter (no picture, I was too hungry) followed by beef or fish (I had the fish, Steve had the beef) and Eton Mess for dessert.

There was a lot of wine and it just seemed to keep flowing!

After each course of the meal the newlyweds circulated around the tables, making sure they spoke to everyone.  They asked everyone present to join them in celebrating Johns' grandfather 90th birthday and the wedding anniversary of his grandparents which was coming up.

Then we were swept outside by the photographer for some wedding party photos while the quiz got under full swing.  Photos done, I made it back just in time to join my table for the geek round of the quiz - which we won easily (hey, I know some geeky stuff including how many sides are on a standard D&D die).  We also won the overall quiz prize, which meant more alcohol for our table.  By this time I'm amazed any of them were seeing straight! 

Before the disco could get underway there was the small matter of the cake.

The cake decorated with lego.

This wedding was perfect for John and Ellie in so many ways, but for me, this symbolised the entire day.  It was quirky, fun, and completely and utterly them.

John and Ellie started the dancing together to Michael Buble's Hold On, soon joined by other couples on the dance floor.  As the evening guests arrived the music got turned up and the party got started.  I slipped into some flip flops and hit the dance floor.  I think I stayed there for most of the night (it gets a little blurry) although I do remember dragging the bride to the bar for tequila shots at one point.  I know that I could hardly walk the next day as my feet were so bruised from dancing!  Ellie and John had chosen a DJ where guests could pre-select what songs they wanted to hear played which meant that the dance floor was packed all night as people ran up when they heard the first few bars of their favourite song starting to be played.

This was without a doubt one of the best weddings I have ever been to. It screamed of personality, individuality and most of all love.

These two will live happily ever after - of that I have no doubt.